Monday, April 10, 2006

A Failure of Confidence

I need to stop thinking about this. I was feeling pretty confident about my chances for getting this job - now, I'm not so sure.

I don't get any particularly positive feelings from anyone about my chances. One of the teachers mentioned that she's not sure she's EVER seen someone hired from within. I didn't go to a snobby school, which, I gather, is important to the assistant principal. I am a first year teacher with no work experience beyond the internship. No one has come to watch me teach, though I've extended the invitation.

I'm trying to keep a "the Universe will put me where I most need to be" attitude. I'm having a little trouble with that right now, though, because I really want the job.


Anonymous Contrary said...

(putting some cinder blocks under your confidence to shore it up) There, that's better.

April 10, 2006 10:32 PM  
Blogger vanx said...

Here's blocks under the blocks.~,:^)

April 10, 2006 11:05 PM  
Blogger Kizz said...

In my chosen profession you go to a lot of interviews and you get a lot of NO before you get any yes. It bites the big one. And I find that the more I want something the worse I am in an interview. It's just an awful feeling and I don't know how you get out from under it.

That being said, you just never know. There may be a better job out there for you in a different school. They may hire you anyway. They may be taking a long time and keeping tight lipped because of another interviewee. It's worth noting that the school has a new principal, too, so precedent may not hold. There's just no way to know.

Which is, I'm aware, no help at all, but you know, we're all out here rooting for you to get a great job.

April 11, 2006 10:08 AM  
Anonymous claudia said...

It is quite apparent that it's not "the job",but THIS job that you would like. The bigger question is,are you going to look into OTHER opportunities if this one isn't the one the Universe sees you in?

April 11, 2006 10:34 AM  
Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

Thank you. I was fishing for encouragement, and I'm so glad you are all willing to take my pathetic bait! :)

Actually, Claudia, I'm in the process of putting the resume-cover-letter-recommendation packet together again for submission to a couple of other schools, including the high school in my own town. A big part of me is about THIS job, though, and I recognize that much of that is due to the familiarity I feel for the place and the knowledge that I'll be well mentored there - I've got at least four or five different teachers whom I'm certain I can go to with questions or requests for help or feedback. I just don't know if other school communities would be that open to the new kid on the block.

CT spoke with one of the panelists today and came back with the information that, of the in-house candidates, mine was the strongest interview. I'm still holding out hope, but it's certainly tempered with a fair bit of "don't let that hope get too high." It's a coping mechanism, I know, that will help me deal if I'm turned down.

Of course, I'll keep you all posted. When I hear anything, you'll all be in the loop.

And thanks again. I love that you're all out there, checking in on me.

April 11, 2006 3:22 PM  
Anonymous claudia said...

Heaven forbid,that you should enjoy the anticipation, but do what so many of us do,prepare for, the worst and essentially send out into the cosmos the negative! You need to BELIEVE that you DESERVE the highest and best. We do!

April 11, 2006 4:58 PM  
Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

I like that sentiment. I DO deserve this job. I can be great in this job. They'd be foolish not to hire me.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

April 11, 2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger vanx said...

I thought about you on the bus this morning. I know what it's like to wait something like this out. You have every reason to be confident. Hope you hear from them soon.

April 12, 2006 1:46 AM  
Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

I feel as though, if I can just make it to the second interview, the one with the principal (whom I've met and have a positive impression of), I think I can get the job. The question is: will I get that far?

I was lying bed this morning, imagining how a second interview would go. I've decided on the answer I'd give to the "give me three reasons why I should hire you" question.

1. I really care about the kids. After all, aren't they the whole reason we're here?

2. I will be an active, contributing member of the English Department and to the school community as a whole.

3. I am good at this job already, and will continue to get better.

I hope I get a chance to tell someone that.

April 12, 2006 6:14 AM  
Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Keep your head up and your teeth clenched. I've got faith in ya.

Evil Genius Husband (he teaches middle school) tells me that it can be quite political in a school district with principles hiring teachers who make them look good.

Best of luck!!


April 12, 2006 10:08 AM  
Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

Yeah, Blue - I think that may be what I'm up against, actually.

The assistant principal is NOT a well-liked figure, and the fact that one of his most outspoken critics is my cooperating teacher may not bode well for my future employment under this administration. Of course, if it gets back to her that she's the reason I wasn't recommended for a second interview (IF I'm not recommended for a second interview - I'm trying to send POSITIVE energy into the Universe on my own behalf, remember), there will be proverbial and, I suspect, biblical hell to pay.

April 12, 2006 11:55 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

I am finally chiming in with my two cents worth (it might actually end up being three, but who's counting).

1. I highly recommend avoiding the "all eggs in one basket" scenario. Get those other resume packages out there. Spread out your feelings of anxiety among several potential employers, so you don't blow it all on one. Kizz is right -- to mention another overused metaphor, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs....

2. I have great faith in your ability to overcome one measly asst. principle (I was going to leave off the t, but thought better of it).

3. As long as you feel you have done right by something (the interview, the resume package, etc.), you just have to wait and see what the Universe sends back to you and have faith that it will be what you need, whatever happens.

Sorry this is so long (this is why I rarely come out of my lurking closet...and I still owe Kizz a comment on crocheting vs. knitting in her Susannah Shakespeare gig. I promise, it's coming).

April 13, 2006 11:25 AM  

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